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Get Up and Walk: Training Camp Part 2

Imagine this:

“It is 4pm. The sun is burning hot in the sky and you are getting out of the car and heading into a new world. Dressed in royal blue clothes, a tutu, face paint, and glitter you are pretty sure you look crazier than anyone you have ever known and you don’t know what to expect from this adventure. You don’t have a schedule for what is about to happen, but you know from all the blogs that it is going to be challenging and maybe even life changing. There are people all around buzzing with nervous and excited energy. This is the beginning of your new life. These are going to be your people. As you begin to walk down the long road onto the property you will be at for the next week there are people you don’t recognize in all the colors of the rainbow cheering and directing you where to go. Your heart starts beating faster in anticipation as you walk up a ramp to the back of a building. “What is going to happen? Will I get along with everyone? Is this really what I am supposed to do? Am I crazy?” As you round the corner suddenly you slam face first into a wall of energy. N squad is decked in blue from head to toe and is cheering and greeting every single person that shows up in blue. Immediately you know you are home. You have found your family that you never quite knew were missing.”

This was my first experience of Training Camp. I knew that I already really liked the people on my squad when I arrived at training camp. I had spent 4 months prior to going facebooking, texting, and zoom chatting with them. I knew that there were a lot of awesome people but going from that knowing that they were awesome people to knowing that I loved them with all my heart and that I would do anything for them instantly was nothing I have ever experienced. It was nothing less than supernatural. 

Most of my life I have been guarded. There have been so many deep hurts in my life and so many rejections that it takes me a very long time to fully trust and to fully give of myself. I have had the mindset for a long time that if I kept myself from investing fully then it wouldn’t hurt so bad when people left me. If I didn’t share of myself then the people who rejected me weren’t really rejecting me, they were just rejecting this surface level me that wasn’t really me anyway. Furthermore, I would never find out if my deep deep fear that who I was really wasn’t worth loving was true if I never let anyone know who I really was… 

The moment I rounded that corner I knew all that was changing. I spent forever that night in worship crying out to God that I was done being injured. That I was done living life as if every relationship I entered into might just finish the job of breaking my heart completely if they decided I wasn’t “good enough” to love. I was done living in fear of being unworthy. I was done being afraid to love. I felt like I was fighting for my life. As I sat on the floor, tears streaming down my face, essentially demanding to be healed God spoke to me. He told me as clear as he had been sitting next to me to “get up and walk”.

You might think that sounds crazy. But I have never felt more sure that I have heard God’s voice in my life. I stood up dazed and confused and strangely lighter. I wasn’t quite sure what had happened but I didn’t want to question it either. I had heard the story of the paralyzed man that Jesus healed and when Jesus told him to get up and walk he could have just sat there and asked for proof of being healed. He could have insisted that he didn’t feel any different. He could have been afraid to walk, but he didn’t. He quite literally walked in faith. I made the decision then to walk in faith of my healing. 

It still doesn’t make logical sense to me that I could be completely healed of years of hurts and rejections in an instant, but I 100% believe that it happened. It was like scales had been removed from my eyes and I could see things that I hadn’t been able to see before. I could see hurt in peoples eyes before they even had any real visible signs that they were hurting. I found myself loving freely and praying for people that I barely knew because it was a gift to love them like God did. I found myself sharing my story over and over (shameful secrets and all) without fear of rejection or condemnation. 

I feel like my heart is overflowing with love. I thank God for being Jehovah Rapha the God who heals. I thank God that “He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” I thank God for a family who allows me to love them and that [by God’s grace] I can allow to love me and invest in me. 

This is only the beginning. 

I love these people with all my heart.