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I’m Not Ready For The World Race

It’s three days until I leave California. 14 until I leave for Atlanta and I just realized I’m not ready to go.

I sit here at my favorite coffee shop, at a small patio table, drinking my favorite coffee, looking at Pinterest and I am realizing that I shouldn’t be the person going on this journey.

All week people have been saying how proud they are of me and how brave I am. My friends keep saying they couldn’t do this. I think they think I am somehow special or doing something extraordinary by going on the world race.

I feel like a fraud.

I don’t feel brave. I don’t feel special. I don’t feel qualified. Mostly I feel like God could have picked someone better to do this.

I cringe inside every time someone says they are proud of me. Don’t they realize that I’m not even qualified for this????

There are people I see every day who are more spiritual, more adventurous, or more physically ready. I don’t read my bible enough. I forget to pray instead of worrying. I have a past that is full of mistakes and regrets.

I’m not special. I’m just willing.
I’m not brave. I’m just going.
I’m not qualified. I’m just called.