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The One Where I Find My Calling
One of the greatest fears that I have is public speaking. I have a lot of pride and like to have it all together, or at least appear that I do. I am terrified of making a fool out of myself. I am afraid of being a disappointment. I am afraid that people will flat out tell me I’m totally wrong.
This fear has kept me from sharing so many times. It has kept me from volunteering to speak and preach even if I have something to say. I have been prevented from pursuing things that God has for me because of my fear of failure and my fear of man.
At the beginning of the race several people spoke over me about my words and speaking. So many that I actually started tuning it out so I’m not sure how many people actually said it. I thought “God can use my words in my writing “, and I was satisfied. I had blogging.
Turns out that wasn’t what God meant. He has been trying to show me about what my fear stems from for the past month or so and God has also made a few things pretty clear to me about my future in the past few days.
He gave me a vision with me speaking in an auditorium full of teenagers from Europe and has basically told me he is going to use me to bring revival to the youth of Europe through speaking.
I keep thinking. I can’t do that. What do you think we have talked about at debrief? Fear. Calling. Doubt. How I can do all things in Christ through his strength.
My friend and squad mate Kelsey shared during worship that it is a fact of neurology that the brain cannot be in a state of appreciation and a state of fear at the same time.
Thankfulness helps us to live our lives to the fullest and seize the moments God has for us. I cannot physically be afraid of what God has for me and what he wants from me and still be actively pursuing the calling he has for me.
So I’m putting this out there. God is calling me to use the wisdom he has given me to speak to people. Not just my small group, but in any opportunity he gives. I’m choosing to give those fears to God and take steps to live a life worthy of the calling He has given me.