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This isn’t Kansas anymore Toto

This week has been hard. The thoughts “I just want to go home”, “I want a different team”, and “all I want is a couch and Netflix” have all passed through my head multiple times. I miss hot showers. I miss my friends.

It started last Friday. After an entire night of barely sleeping, I woke up at 5am to help with breakfast for the street kids who were here for camp. I made it about 15 minutes before I had to go back upstairs to our rooms because I had a fever and was dizzy

I spent the rest of the day sleeping feverishly while my teammate Tabbi brought me meds and water to bring down my fever. All the while feeling like I was missing out of being part of the team because I was missing one of our first big ministry opportunities.

The next day I woke up without a fever, but in its place was some of the worst nausea and diarrhea.

I was determined not to miss out on anymore team bonding time though so when my team was ready to head out for our two off days to the beach off I went.

Worst. Idea. Ever.

That “3 hours to the sunny beach to camp” turned into a 6 hour drive to the beach in a jeepney complete with a flat tire and a typhoon. It was bumpy and cold and rainy. Did i mention that I get car sick as well as already being regular sick? I spent that night in a hotel room up every 15 minutes on the toilet until miraculously I threw up until there was nothing left in my stomach and I managed to sleep for a few hours.

The next morning it was raining. So we just packed up and drove 8 more hours home. Again sick and taking more than the recommended dose of pepto bismal. Wishing the entire time that I had just said I wanted to stay at camp in bed.

I wish I could tell you that I had some redeeming moment where I learned some beautiful lesson but that’s just not true. I was told I handled the whole thing well, but honestly I was just pissed. I was tired and sick and really easily annoyed with everyone.

I spent the next day almost completely alone. We had a free day the next day. Everyone else went to get tattoos and wifi and I stayed at camp to get better. I read and cleaned and got better. It was amazing, except once again I was missing out on the bonding time with my team.

I am all better now, but I feel a little like the odd man out. It is hard. It makes me miss my friends even more. I miss the people who know me better than I know myself.

Who knew that the second week could be so difficult?!?

“I WANT YOU TO BE ALL MINE . I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone— not in other people, not in circumstances. Depending only on Me may feel like walking on a tightrope, but there is a safety net underneath: the everlasting arms . So don’t be afraid of falling. Instead, look ahead to Me. I am always before you, beckoning you on— one step at a time. Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, can separate you from My loving Presence.” – Jesus Calling